Mutual Friend Rescue Marriage

What’s the word for that situation in which you think you have everything figured out and can therefore relax, and then suddenly something comes up and it’s like the reset button is on permanently?! Yeah… if you know it, tell a sister because that’s where I am right now.

I thought I found stability at the end of May, I slept well in June and looked forward to balling in July, then the surprise landed and it’s been a roller coaster ride since then! Don’t go eeya, aww on me… I’m actually enjoying it all, I’m happy even though I see a lot of late nights and early mornings  down the road, it’s what I wanted (I think) and right now I’m not complaining.

Yes… I know those two paragraphs have told you nothing but relax, it will unfold soon enough. Meanwhile, every other thing is still the same, 3^rd mainland bridge is undergoing repairs, I still endure traffic by making up imaginary conversations and scenarios (sometimes), I’m still single and you’re still visiting this url!

As regards my singlehood (bad grammar), someone told me recently that I may be getting too comfortable in that arena; you know, a state where you can afford most things yourself, and where asides God and your family, there’s no one else to be accountable to.

I’ve thought about it long enough to know it’s both true and false; I’m gradually achieving all I’ve dreamt about and unconsciously raising the bar on certain things, however, deep down there, I know I want to be swept off my feet, fall in love, get married and live happily thereafter.

On the other hand, there’s no rush to these things, I therefore wonder why some people are suddenly trying to be more catholic than the pope. In other news, being single is expensive… gist for another day!

Quick question…

How does a mutual friend rescue marriage work? I heard a discussion in which people admitted that they have an arrangement/agreement with a close friend of the opposite sex, under which if at a certain age they were both unmarried, they’ll upgrade their friendship by getting married to each other?

Whether you believe it or not, there are groups of people with this agreement, and although it’s not written (hence not legally binding), they both agreed on a particular age. E.g. Theresa and Thomas have been ‘best-friends-forever’ for awhile and for some reason haven’t had successful relationships with anyone, they would both agree that to save themselves, when they both clock 30 and 33 respectively, they’ll walk down the aisle!

Personally, I think it’s strange. While I wouldn’t knock anyone for decisions they make, I’m curious as to why they both won’t venture into a relationship now if they are that close, and only consider each other good enough as last resort? Isn’t that just a union of pity?

If you’ve got answers for me, or you have such agreement in place, please share.

Finally, if you have the time, check out Chinese freestyle by 2face on youtube or on www.mp3skull.com (it’s the 3^rd song from the bottom of the page), I really don’t understand what was going on there with the language but its 2face… enjoy!

Happy Holidays

They had just returned from the Sallah break that day, it was early September and a rainy day too, the girl from the adjoining office in her usual loquacious nature had come in to gist. Minutes later, they set out to Marina. Lady T wasn’t too eager to make the 15minutes walk but conceded only after her boss called in to say he would turn in late.

Off they went to the General Post Office and then the Bank; while she moved from desk to desk exchanging pleasantries, Lady T sat quietly in one corner doing all she could to avoid the stare of the afro spotting Teller behind the counter. Moments later they were back on the streets making their way back to the office when shouts of excuse me rang through; it was the afro guy from the bank.

Good morning, he said, almost breathless from the chase.

Yes, good morning, she responded in giggles.

Excuse me, can I talk to your friend, he asked, looking across her shoulder towards Lady T who was standing within earshot.

Me? Came her reply, a little bemused too.

Yes, you. I just want to introduce myself, do you work around here?

Getting a little uneasy she responded in the negative, gave him a rather vague excuse and began the return journey to the office, leaving her partner behind. Later that evening, an uninvited guest showed up at the office – it was him again, afro guy! That snitch had told him where she would be!

Against her wish, he walked her halfway home that day, telling her his life history and how he liked her appearance and would want to date marry her. Many more after-office-hours strolls later, defying the Aguda Vs Saro marriage taboo myth, they tied the knot on 29^th December that year – yes, your calculations are right, 3 months after.

Over 3 decades later, Lady T and Afro guy are still happily married with yours truly and the rest of the Charlies Angels to show for it. And that is the end of my story.

Happy Anniversary to my parents!!!

*******

Happy holidays to you all, thanks for sharing my thoughts through the year. Hope you all found your points of elevation during the year? If you didn’t, not to worry, delay is not denial, those goals can still be achieved, only if you do not give up.

Here’s to a more rewarding 2012.

Cheers!

Honestly... would you?

I was helping my cousin address his wedding invites when I saw Mr & Mrs Cobhams Asuquo, instantly I bombarded him with questions of how they met, if I could come along to deliver the card etc. Unfortunately, he didn’t let me but explained to me that Mrs Asuquo used to be a colleague; apparently she resigned a while ago, I’m not sure if it’s for private business or for another job but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her.

I wonder how much of a brave woman she must be, I imagined she must really love him to look past the disability and sign the lifelong contract. Asides from Ojuola (Cobham’s wife), there are a few other people known to have braved the odds. I have raised this issue among friends and while quite a few beat their chest to being able to go that lane, I’m still not sure I can.

It is not about being selfish or insensitive but honestly, it’s not as easy as it seems. If you’ve ever been a caregiver to a sick relative then you know a bit of what I’m talking about. Often times you end up ill from the stress of cleaning and caring for them.

For someone who likes to internalize issues and be realistic about things (I’m not against optimism oh!) I wonder if I can cope. There are those moments you want to act like a child around your partner, just milk a situation (e.g. pregnancy) and demand some extra TLC, there’s when you want to play hide and seek around the house, or on the beach, there are certain times you expect him to scoop you off the floor into his arms... wouldn’t these expectations be selfish if he was in a wheelchair?

How easy would it be to have to run home from work to make the meal and clean up, help with the kids’ school work all alone, everyday without the help of wifey who is physically challenged? Can you honestly say frustration wouldn’t set in at some point? Especially when there are those low moments at work?

I know there are 2 different scenarios here; first is when the condition is known from the get go. Secondly is if it occurs after the relationship had begun.

In the first case, you must have weighed the conditions well, separation/divorce is no option here; at least you were fully aware of the peculiarities before signing the dotted lines. In the African setting, family members may object to the union at first; if you eventually convince them, the burden becomes yours except off course your family understands.

Case 2 buttresses why everyone must marry someone they truly love. Sudden disability affects quite a number of things in the family – sex, career, finances, role-play and sometimes communication. I imagine that sudden disability in a partner will rock a relationship leaving the chance of its survival to the quality of its foundation. It would take sincere love and God’s matchless grace to avert a separation or even resentment.

I once read the story of a guy who attributed his success in life to his ex-girlfriend’s decision to leave him. They had been dating for about 5 years at the time but he never really showed any commitments to her, unfortunately he was involved in an accident that confined him to a wheelchair. He recounted that the lady was patient enough to nurse him out of the hospital and then left him thereafter stating she couldn’t deal with his lack of passion for anything.

Before you condemn her as heartless; imagine yourself in her shoes. Through the 5 years, she probably gave him all the signs that she was ready to be proposed to; I assume he kept promising without any concrete plan. She must have thought: if a guy is never serious with anything what are the chances he’ll not be completely helpless and slothful as a disable? In the end, she figured marrying him would be mortgaging her future hence she left and moved on. Thankfully, he learnt from the experience and has now made something of his life; but do these stories always turn out this way?

 I guess this is why everyone must ask themselves if they can live with ‘the one’ when the worse befalls him/her, we must be sure we understand the clause ‘through good and bad times, in sickness and in health’. Most likely, a partner who’s always pessimistic about every little cloud would swing into full scale depression when it rains and probably log out on life if there’s a flood.

The question therefore is; would you marry a guy/girl with disabilities? Are there perhaps some forms of disabilities you can deal with and others you can’t?

The Shopping List

After my last relationship broke up, I decided I was no longer interested in ‘testing’ the market. My next relationship must be purposeful and worth the time. While the soul searching was on-going, I realised I didn’t have a full picture of what I was looking for. Don’t get me wrong, I knew quite well that for instance I needed someone with good looks who could deliver on TLC. I said to myself, he must be ‘God fearing’, treat women well blah blah blah.

I thought I knew everything I was looking for; however, I discovered with each day either by observing couples around me or with the guys I was meeting, that I really wanted a little more... make that a lot more!

Hence, I decided it was time to start treating this search for Mr. Right like shopping! I therefore made a list of MUST HAVEs and CANT STANDs.

Inasmuch as looks are important, I’m not overtly interested in drop dead gorgeous men; but the brother must be fine enough for me to want to be seen with him... don’t blame me, I just want to secure my children’s fate! His entire carriage must be endearing. He should be confident and well groomed. Good spoken English too... you can’t be throwing grenade at me or my friends!

When we’ve got the ‘front page’ sorted out, we’ll probably be hanging out more and then I’ll look out for the content which would include:

VERBAL INTIMACY – I have found out over time that communicating is important for me. He must be good at talking and listening. He has to like sharing his deepest emotional thoughts and desires. We can’t be having secrets and telling half truths; I want to have fun in my relationship and not be playing undercover cop. Besides, verbal intimacy is all that’s left when the body’s no longer hot and steamy sexy.

INTELLECTUAL/INDUSTRIOUS/ENERGY LEVEL – I like guys who are smart/bright and upwardly mobile; he has to be knowledgeable and be able to discuss important issues – the world doesn’t start and stop at Old Trafford or Emirates stadium. I am academic/career-oriented hence any man who thinks my pursuit of a PhD is a waste of time is a NO NO.

He also has to be industrious with an energy level that matches mine. For me nothing is too difficult to achieve, I therefore would find it difficult to cope with someone who’s sloppy, lazy or contented with simply ‘earning a living’.

FAMILY ORIENTED – if the reason we’re dating is for the possibility of spending our future together then alienating yourself from all semblance of family life would raise an alarm in my head. Simply put, he must be committed to marriage and family. IMHO, a guy who hates or treats his family badly would do same to you. I’ll expect that he treats his parents and siblings with respect and care.

SPIRITUALITY – I CANT date a guy who’s in a different religion or has different sets of spiritual commitments even within my religion. This is not about hating on any religion but I think life is a lot easier when you share similar beliefs. Before you begin to preach, my parents were from two extreme ends, one a devote Muslim, the other a mass serving catholic, so I know firsthand what I’m talking about, and I’ll rather just save myself all the hassles!

FINANCIAL INTEGRITY – in the long run, every girl looks to end up with someone who will be able to care for her material needs too. Before you scream independent woman, think about it; would you rather have him feeding off you... huh? I didn’t think so...

A man must be financially responsible. If he’s spending his entire salary on Arsenal kits/PS III console/throwing parties, you’d better watch out. If he’s too obsessed with making billions and thereby hinting blood money or fraud, you better put your shoes in your channel purse and slip out the back door!

VALUES/TRAITS – this may be an offshoot of spirituality but then it has a lot to do with upbringing too. You’ll score more points if you’re polite, patient and punctual. Add affectionate, sociable, a good sense of humour and emotional generosity to that list. While self confidence is a plus, I’d expect that he’s unassuming hence can accept criticism and admit it when he’s wrong.

EMOTIONAL HEALTH/ADDICTION – Do you know anyone who’s emotionally unhealthy? Ahh... you don’t want to meet any... trust me!

I once had a course mate who was also in my study group, for  some reason, everyone was always trying to avoid him, so I put on my Mother Theresa apron and tried being nice... big mistake!

To put it mildly, dude was an all time pessimist (was that mild? ... shrugs) he would worry unnecessarily about everything, from his grades to his girlfriend. He was also a chronic cynic and more often than not, he was depressed. Being friends with him was emotionally draining!

I’ve learnt my lesson so I try to stay away from people who are emotionally unhealthy. The tell-tale signs usually include workaholic syndrome, victim mentality, obsession, anger (especially those ones associated with yelling and object throwing). I think it’s wise to steer clear of people with addictions, be it alcohol, pornography, gambling, sex or drugs.



You can't change him, unless he's willing to.  BEWARE!!!



Over time, I have edited this list of mine and although I know that relationships are about compromises sometimes, these issues seem key to me. While they aren’t cast in stone, they remain my basic yardstick. I do believe that although I can teach a guy to prioritise his spending and be a lot more frugal, it’s up to him to want to learn and adjust. I definitely would not venture into trying to change a guy’s religious affiliations or doctrinal beliefs, hence, I’ll just ‘jump and pass’!

So there you have it people, let the missiles start flying!

TDH plus more

Once upon a time, TDH was the added advantage a guy needed to possess for him to be considered good enough to meet your ‘girlfriends’. That way you could have them roll their eyes, Hi5 you and go green with envy; even if in the end he’ll never meet the parents. Every girl wanted to arrive at the class reunion and wedding with the finest bloke; it was a ‘rep’ (reputation) soaring ingredient!

Those days are long gone. In today’s world of Oprah Winfrey inspired independent women, the qualifications have changed. Tall, dark and Handsome (TDH) is no longer award winning. Brains, personality etc have been added to the requirement thus making it almost as complex as rocket science.  After listening to countless disheartening stories of relationships gone sour, a single lady cannot but do herself the favour of ‘shinning her eyes’ before falling for a brother; biological clock or not.

Over the years, my friends and I have repeatedly trashed the issue of ‘qualities/requirements’. As you may have imagined, some qualities are popular/common such that any guy who didn’t have them was immediately struck out of the list of ‘prospective’.

HEARTistic matters have over the years defied the rules of the unwritten books; countless times we’ve seen couples and wondered what the ‘catch’ was/is. I personally know ladies who swore they couldn’t/wouldn’t be found with a particular guy only for them to drool over marry same dude thereafter.

With couples like Seal and Heidi Klum we’ve learnt that love is blind, Dare and Deola Art-Alade show that age is just concatenation of numbers, if you’re still wondering if celebrity unions work then you have met neither Olu and Joke Jacobs nor Tunde and Wunmi Obe... okay, I’ve digressed enough!

The point I’m trying to make is that like our DNA shows, we’re different from one another, not just in character but also in our taste/preferences for a significant other.

I do not expect anyone to understand my taste in men and I do not try to do same, hence, when I’m up and about checking my ‘shopping list’ in comparison to what the said guy is bringing to the table, it’s just because in the long run when you all are done with the hi5, I’m the one who has to manage whatever excesses/imperfection he has. Yes, imperfections. Everyone has them, I do too and at the end of it all, our ability to deal with those issues determine the success of the relationship.

So, what ‘features’ do you look out for? Which ones are must haves? Which ones can be compromised upon? I’ve got my shopping list ready; you’ll read about it in the next post, meanwhile I’m waiting to hear from you.

COVERING THE SHAME (Part 2)

The story continues, if you missed the first part, please go here

For a moment I thought I would pass out, but I didn’t, I couldn’t. Not now...

I held the paper with trembling hands. I felt everything... anger, betrayal, resentment... I had been hurt by my confidant, my soul mate, my best friend, my husband...

With another bang on the bedroom door, I jolted back to the present. There was no need to fight anymore, this battle has been won. I was holding in my hands the stone that’ll knock these goliaths dead for life, all I had to do was sling it with my last energy and so I headed for the door.

Just then, I heard a voice.

Stopping in my tracks, I listened as it became louder...

Like someone possessed with some kind of demon, I spun around, holding my ears. The voice was mine... the words I had spoken years before were replaying so loudly... “For better, for worse, in sickness and in health, through good and bad times...” the vow I read heartily. NOOOOOOOO!!!

And then I stopped to think, just as I whispered ‘Lord, teach me to apply wisdom’.

Moments later, I slowly unlocked the bedroom door as I pulled out my travelling bag, ready to leave. My feet had found strength again. Amidst the rain of abuses from my in-laws, I headed for my car. And then before getting in, I looked at them all once again, letting out a weak smile, I shook my head.

As I got in, I looked at the papers again. If only they knew... maybe... just maybe... but I couldn’t tell them, I couldn’t show them the different medical reports confirming my husband’s impotence. Reports he had tucked away in his VID bag... all 4 of them, hidden from me all through the years. I loved him too much to let this secret out, and even though this hurts so badly, I was going to cover his shame, because that is what you do for the one you love.





TEASER
If you were in her shoes, would you be able to forgive your husband for keeping such a huge secret? Would you show them (your in-laws) the reports and let out the secret that your husband has been shooting blanks? Or would you ask him upon his return to disclose his condition?
What would you do?

 

COVERING THE SHAME

I apologise to everyone who tried dropping comments on the last post but couldn't.
I just realized I had messed with the settings thus disabling comments.

Thanks for trying anyway.
T.Notes, thanks for the heads up.

Finally, I crawled to the dressing table, blinded by tears. And with all the strength I could muster, I reached out for the wipes... my life, as I knew it had just ended, but I wasn’t going to give these women the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

How could this be happening to me?

But why?

We had been married ten years, eight of which had seen me go through the wilderness, his mum and sisters had made life miserable for me... the name calling, ridicule and humiliations.

My husband had tried to protect me, he never talked about it, he... no we, we believed it was going to happen in God’s time. Unfortunately, his job had taken him away from home more often than I would have wanted, and for each day he was away, I had faced the full wrath of his relatives.

Now they were about to throw me out, and I find this...

Slowly, I picked up my ‘VID’ bag ... it seemed easier than picking up pieces of my now shattered life. On second thought, I unzipped it and took out what would now be my life. I couldn’t take that bag with me.

A trophy was the last thing I needed... he had given me that bag right after our marriage. It was to keep ‘very important documents’. He had one just like it... I remember thinking how thoughtful he was, as I neatly arranged my certificates in it.

Unknown to me then, that same bag was to house the lie I would be living.

 To be Continued...

ODD WORLD

Hey fellaz, what would you do if you're on a date and your partner orders SOAP as opposed to all the other delicious items on the menu? Or ladies, let's just say your friend comes visiting and while you prepare something to entertain her she starts munching your bar soap, or licking your detergent? What would you do?

Did you say impossible? Then you haven't heard about 19 year old Tempestt Henderson (by the way, why would someone be named Tempest? Even with the spelling variation, all I can think about is the dictionary meaning... *sigh*)

Tempestt licking detergent.
Source: www.dailymail.co.uk



How long is too long?

Every girl hopes to meet 'THE ONE' at the right time and settle down to the happily ever after phase. From our teen years we are groomed and nurtured into becoming the 'total woman', one who can successfully achieve the work-life balance. We read books, and seek counsel on what a relationship is all about. All these, just so that we are ready when we finally get into one.

Then at some point we meet 'the one', its shaky at first and we're so confused, we ask all the what if and what if not questions. Finally we accept reality, relationships are never 100% perfect, the ability/decision to overlook  live with the flaws is what signifies the unconditional love we proclaim. And then the wait starts...

In the Nigerian/African setting, the onus falls on the man to propose marriage, in order words, he determines the duration of the courtship. This is not to say that the lady sits back, crosses her legs and waits... we have been wired to drop suble hints to speed up the process. However, it seems some guys just never get there.

A friend of mine started dating her 'husband' when she was 18. As of today, they aren't married, at least not in my books! First they dated for 5years after which they began cohabiting, this went on for a long time until she announced she was pregnant. Her mum sprung into action asking for a date to formalise the union and all they got was an elaborate introduction! At the time, my friend was 31!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think a guy who has a job that pays the bills, his personal business, a car, a fully furnished apartment shouldn't be hesitant about walking down the aisle with his devoted fiancée of 13years.  Till date, they haven't been to the court neither have they had an engagement/church solemnization. It therefore troubles me that he proclaims undying love, yet isn't eager to sign the dotted line.

Although there is no rule book that suggests the appropriate duration for courtship, isnt it just frustrating to be in a relationship that seems to be heading no where? I have heard cases of people who dated for 10, 12 and even 15 years and still never made it to the alter. The question I want to ask is, did he/she change after a decade or you just decided to ignore the red flags from the beginning? Experts have said that the red flags can be sighted as early as 3 months, they may be wrong but did it have to take 10 years?

There are a few excusable reasons why a courtship might be long, for instance a couple that got together in their first year at the University may not get married until after about 3 years post-graduation, thus bringing their courtship years to about 8 or even more. But in some cases, it just seem they are comfortable with 'no formal commitment'.

I keep wondering why some relationships are like this, is the guy scared of committment? Is he just trying to be sure he knows her well enough? But then they say you never know all, even after decades of marriage, the learning continues. Or perhaps, he's already getting free meal tickets (love, attention, sex) so why should he pay (do a proper marriage)?

These are my thoughts, let me know yours.

Meet ESO

*ASUU was at their best again, this time, the strike was to be about 6 months long. Weeks before, my Uni started an internal strike so I was home doing practically nothing when my dad decided to send me to an IT institution to learn how to be a programmer. I would arrive as early as 7:30am for lectures that weren’t going to commence until 9am, leaving home early was the only way to beat Lagos traffic.

Asides from the security officers, only about 5 of us were that punctual. As I am wont to do in places I’m not used to, I would **jejely sit at the lobby without talking to anyone, well, until I became gist mate with ESO. I really can’t remember details of our first conversation, but it was about football. It was April 2006 and the world cup (Germany 2006) was approaching. Like many other guys, he was stunned at how passionate I was about football. And as if that wasn’t enough, we were both fans of Manchester United!

So the endless gists before and after classes continued until I concluded the modules I had registered for. While I was enjoying all the attention and considering taking another course, ASUU called off its strike and I had to return to school. This was the genesis of our long telephone chats, mind you, he was doing all the calling but I made great conversation so no complains. I have to admit that I’m not so good at calling people, I just don’t understand why.

Ok... so 2006 goes by and nothing serious happens. Let me tell you a little about myself...

I’m very book smart (ask my grades, they’ll tell you) but when it comes to love and matters of the heart, I just seem to test positive to A-S-S (acute slow syndrome). Growing up, all that mattered to me were my grades; boys were just not worth it. The mindset was that if you do well, you’ll get a good job and all the boys would be running after you, after all no man wants a dullard for company. So I dedicated all my time to studying, I liked staying home, either watching TV or reading. My mum would sometimes force me to attend birthday parties; I just never liked all the noise.

In retrospect, I’ll say as regards boys/guys and relationships, I was just slow. A guy would send me cards/notes saying he cares blah blah blah, as long as he doesn’t mention LOVE, this brain of mine would not decode he’s stylishly asking for a relationship – no be my fault, if it was Edgeworth Bowley box, I would have understood it in a flash.

This was the case with ESO. For over a year the guy was calling me and I was enjoying it. The only thing I knew for sure was I liiiiiiiiikeeeeeeeed him. We shared this verbal intimacy that was unrivalled. I had never felt like that before about anyone. At some point he chided me about my attitude and I stupidly said I wasn’t attracted to him yada yada yada... I was such an ignoramus. After my birthday in October, he stopped calling and that was when it hit me.

Uni was on holiday and I had time to just sit and think. I was missing him so much, I had become used to running things by him, we would discuss endlessly about things that were going on in our lives – me about school and him about work. It took my cuz knocking my head back into position for me to truly understand it – I was in love with ESO... I had been for quite some time but I had been too naive to know what to do about it. This wasn’t rocket sciene yet it had been difficult for me to decipher, that part of my brain just didn’t activate on time.

So months passed and nothing! ESO had decided to give me space. Space I had once asked for but now hated! I felt like I was being punched in the exact point a bullet had gone through. I wanted more than anything in the world to be with him; have him call me and him me at odd hours... kai, I had been a mugu!

After many months of waiting in silence and pain, I summed up courage and called him just to say hi. He sounded so cold; the conversation couldn’t have ended fast enough. Thereafter, he began to call again, we spoke more, sorted out ‘issues’ but things were never the same. His job had become his first love. We had this conversation in which he made it clear that his goals had changed. 

I felt everything all at once – heartbreak, anger, rejection. I held on to hope, hope that wasn’t there.

After many months of torturing myself, I snapped out of it. Why was I even mourning something that was probably dead from the beginning? Why would I expect anything other than what I got, after all I had him waiting all the while? Revenge is indeed served cold (or maybe not). It was time to start a new phase.

I have since moved on and I’m alot smarter now. I’m more of a binoculars now... I know a guy’s intentions even while he’s still thinking about it (ok, I’m exaggerating). I have had time to discover who I really am and the things I want. I am now totally committed to being a better me. Afterall she who’s searching for Mr Right must also be groomed to be Mrs Right.

‘Searching’? I don’t even know why we use that word. It’s not like we’re collecting bio data of every supposed eligible person we meet. Anyway, truth is, I’m not searching in that sense, I’m just so sure I’ll meet someone who’ll love me enough to stick around despite my imperfections and hopefully, the feeling will be mutual.

And just in case you were wandering, yes, much as I tried, I couldn't get myself to hate him. ESO and I speak with each other thrice every year - January 1^st (for obvious reasons), his birthday and mine which BTW are just a week apart.

FYI

*ASUU = Academic Staff Union of Universities

**Jejely = gently

Mr I Dont Know Lagos Well

Hi y’all,

Hope the weekend was fun filled. I’m happy ManUtd won their match against Tottenham at least we’re still 3^rd on the table.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with this guy I met during the last diet of the professional exam I’m writing. Dude has called me at least twice every week since we met in early October, but I never call back. I know someone’s going to say that’s not good enough but I just don’t call people except I feel there’s something to say. Is that a bad thing? Please let me know.

Anyway, I could tell the guy wanted something all along but I guess he summoned up courage yesterday. So after the usual boring how was the weekend?, did you go to church?, he veered off and asked what do you feel about other tribes? Knowing what he getting at, I simply said, Ohh, the Japanese and Chinese have this confusing look but if you try hard enough you’ll know the difference, I’m not a great fan of their cuisine anyway, but they’re hardworking. Lol

I’m sure I caught him off guard, cos next thing was this loooong silence, dude didn’t say anything until I asked, next question? And then he asked if I would date someone from another tribe (he specified Nigeria this time around), how many people have I dated, am I in a relationship, how soon would I want to get married, and wait for this... am I a virgin?

Wise people of blogsville, I think I’m still very old school so please educate me, is this what is obtainable in the new hip-world? Shouldn’t he be trying simple/normal conversations first and not this questions that’ll make the list for the questionnaire of a dating agency? I don’t have a lot of experience but thus far, I think the modus operandi has been: meet the girl, talk about general things like work, hobbies, entertainment/society etc, find out as much as you can and then gently navigate into all the ‘I like you/I wanna be with you story?!’.

To think that this guy has seen me just once, probability that he’ll not recognise me if I walked past him is 50-50, yet he expects that I’ll come pay him a visit because he is fairly new in Lagos, doesn’t know the part of town that I live. This according to him is because he has been the one calling so in return I should reciprocate by making the trip, he’ll appreciate it because, ‘he really likes me and he thinks we’ll be good together’? Gosh... I wish I was standing there in front of him and not on the other end of the line, so I could slap the taste outta his mouth. Anyway, I advised him to go to the nearest local government office and ask for a map!

It’s so annoying when I meet people like this cos all I can think of is why they didn’t just remain in the village where all the ‘maidens’ will fall at their feet and travel across 3 rivers over a period of 21 market days just because of 8 phone calls which totals to about 10mins!

For about 2 hours thereafter, all I did was think about this dating thing... again! I’m not desperate or anything, I’ll really like to be married by December 2012 (that’s if the world doesn’t end like Hollywood has depicted... lol). But really, I can’t jump right in at just any guy that says what’s up. I believe so much in love and even though there’s all the scary tales out there, I can’t and won’t stop believing.

The other day I was having a conversation with my ex (ESO) and then he asked where my boyfriend was taking me for my birthday. As soon as I told him I wasn’t in a relationship, he launched into the sermon about how I’m just so picky/choosy about the kind of guy I want to date and..... infact i’ll tell you all about ESO in my next blog.

Cheers!

Weddings Everywhere II

I’ve been thinking about weddings, love, relationships and everything related lately, don’t blame me, I think it’s just because most of my friends are getting married.

In July, my friend from uni got married reducing the number of single ladies from our study group to 3. Earlier this month, a friend from primary school tied the knot, next was my cousin and then another cousin is due in November.

Asides from the accumulating aso - ebi and bridal train gowns, my single status keeps popping up especially because people have made me their business. At such parties you hear things like, ‘so when will yours be’, ‘ire na akari (the joy will go round)’.

Aunties, uncles and friends bring it up every now and then. They expect that ‘he’ will accompany you or at least drop you off at every event. My parents are not relenting either, while my dad drops subtle hints, mum uses every avenue as a point of reminder. For instance, I might buy her something or credit her account, instead of a simple thank you, she’ll just launch into prayer mode, something like this:

Oko ti e lo ma fe (you’ll marry your own husband)

Oko to maa ke e, to maa ge e (a husband that’ll cherish you, that’ll pamper you)

Ooni sile wo (you won’t marry into the wrong family)

I don’t mind the prayers; it’s the sermons that get to me. Especially when she tells me to open my eyes and be receptive.

Lately, it seems I’ve been meeting the wrong kind of guys – married, engaged or unserious. I’m not willing to start doing all the things those silly books recommend, I think it’s just too much stress so I’ve resolved to prayers, faith and hope.

Like I told an ex recently, you were good enough for the role once, the standards are not too high so no need lowering them. The good thing is, I’ve consciously studied myself and I know what I’m looking for so I guess all that’s left is to look out for them in the people I meet, *chikena!