Honestly... would you?

I was helping my cousin address his wedding invites when I saw Mr & Mrs Cobhams Asuquo, instantly I bombarded him with questions of how they met, if I could come along to deliver the card etc. Unfortunately, he didn’t let me but explained to me that Mrs Asuquo used to be a colleague; apparently she resigned a while ago, I’m not sure if it’s for private business or for another job but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her.

I wonder how much of a brave woman she must be, I imagined she must really love him to look past the disability and sign the lifelong contract. Asides from Ojuola (Cobham’s wife), there are a few other people known to have braved the odds. I have raised this issue among friends and while quite a few beat their chest to being able to go that lane, I’m still not sure I can.

It is not about being selfish or insensitive but honestly, it’s not as easy as it seems. If you’ve ever been a caregiver to a sick relative then you know a bit of what I’m talking about. Often times you end up ill from the stress of cleaning and caring for them.

For someone who likes to internalize issues and be realistic about things (I’m not against optimism oh!) I wonder if I can cope. There are those moments you want to act like a child around your partner, just milk a situation (e.g. pregnancy) and demand some extra TLC, there’s when you want to play hide and seek around the house, or on the beach, there are certain times you expect him to scoop you off the floor into his arms... wouldn’t these expectations be selfish if he was in a wheelchair?

How easy would it be to have to run home from work to make the meal and clean up, help with the kids’ school work all alone, everyday without the help of wifey who is physically challenged? Can you honestly say frustration wouldn’t set in at some point? Especially when there are those low moments at work?

I know there are 2 different scenarios here; first is when the condition is known from the get go. Secondly is if it occurs after the relationship had begun.

In the first case, you must have weighed the conditions well, separation/divorce is no option here; at least you were fully aware of the peculiarities before signing the dotted lines. In the African setting, family members may object to the union at first; if you eventually convince them, the burden becomes yours except off course your family understands.

Case 2 buttresses why everyone must marry someone they truly love. Sudden disability affects quite a number of things in the family – sex, career, finances, role-play and sometimes communication. I imagine that sudden disability in a partner will rock a relationship leaving the chance of its survival to the quality of its foundation. It would take sincere love and God’s matchless grace to avert a separation or even resentment.

I once read the story of a guy who attributed his success in life to his ex-girlfriend’s decision to leave him. They had been dating for about 5 years at the time but he never really showed any commitments to her, unfortunately he was involved in an accident that confined him to a wheelchair. He recounted that the lady was patient enough to nurse him out of the hospital and then left him thereafter stating she couldn’t deal with his lack of passion for anything.

Before you condemn her as heartless; imagine yourself in her shoes. Through the 5 years, she probably gave him all the signs that she was ready to be proposed to; I assume he kept promising without any concrete plan. She must have thought: if a guy is never serious with anything what are the chances he’ll not be completely helpless and slothful as a disable? In the end, she figured marrying him would be mortgaging her future hence she left and moved on. Thankfully, he learnt from the experience and has now made something of his life; but do these stories always turn out this way?

 I guess this is why everyone must ask themselves if they can live with ‘the one’ when the worse befalls him/her, we must be sure we understand the clause ‘through good and bad times, in sickness and in health’. Most likely, a partner who’s always pessimistic about every little cloud would swing into full scale depression when it rains and probably log out on life if there’s a flood.

The question therefore is; would you marry a guy/girl with disabilities? Are there perhaps some forms of disabilities you can deal with and others you can’t?

15 Minutes on the Toilet seat

Dear God,

I trust and believe in you. The scientists have said all sorts of rubbish about you but that’s their problem. It’s funny how they can never agree on something real; even when one of them got a ‘revelation’ to buttress YOUR existence, they still didn’t believe, well a lot of them are high on substances so *shrug*

I had fun in June but right now I’m kinda broke and that’s because the bosses have travelled again without handing over our pay check. The thing is, there was fathers’ day celebration and then you put my sisters’ birthdays 11days apart and so I spent a little more than I should have. Could you please touch their hearts and make them do the right thing? Thank you.

Heavenly father, I’m grateful for all you’ve done for me lately, the tears and disappointment of February has since given way to this new hope I have. I’m happier now, not because I have all I want but because you’ve shown me that you’re working on my case.

I’m happy because now I have really let go of the pains caused me by my ex and the Human Resources Manager.  I’m grateful for the lessons I learnt, who would have thought I would be helping the HRM with her school work? I knew I had forgiven her, I guess the forgetting part is now accomplished. I wish you could help me to reach out to her a little more, to teach her how to be kind to others, to make her understand that she doesn’t have to be mean, inconsiderate and miserable just because she’s single and 30+.

I need you now more than ever before, first to help unlock my heart because I know you have the Master key. After the last experience, I locked it up and put the key away, now I can’t find it because I’ve rearranged so much and the only thing I see is work, movies, food, health and books.

Secondly, I know I once said I was tired of chasing my dreams and that I wanted them to just tell me where they were heading so we could meet up there. Well, I apologise because that came out wrong, what I wanted to say was I am sure you’re with me on the journey and that I know I won’t miss the path once I keep following your lead. Please help me not to stray.

Lastly, I need to see some signs, ones that won’t be confusing, so I can know for sure if this new friendship is what I think it is. If it isn’t, please help me to pick the vital lessons and focus on to what is important. I’m asking because he’s fast becoming a Weapon of Mass Distraction and I do not want to lose sleep over a flash in the pan.

Thank you for the grace and favour, I have to get back to work now, I will talk to you later.

Amen.

This was my posture while writing this post.

Planking (Laying Out) My Thoughts

Disclaimer: If any part of this post is ambiguous or completely missing it’s because I’m blogging on the move, while trying to process official and personal thoughts.

It’s been a while since I last came here,

I almost don’t know why or maybe I just don’t care.

I am beginning to face the truth; I really can’t stay away forever,

Sweet or bitter, I’m ready for whatever,

If I get hurt I know I’ll recover.

It isn’t so bad all the time or maybe it is,

I have been hiding for so long,

Behind the wall I put up so strong.

It’s time to break it down and give it a try,

But wouldn’t I be creating room for people to pry?

 

*** 2 meetings and 3 hours later ***

 

The Israelites were so lucky *sigh*

There were simple signs everywhere,

Commandments on tablets to guide them,

Why can’t it be that easy anyway?

I’m tired of trying to figure it all out,

Maybe it’s time to take the plunge again,

If I succeed you all will be happy for me,

If I fall, I’ll pick something up and rise again,

Yes I’ll rise, I’ll rise, and I’ll always rise!

 

*** Back to the office ***

The world seems to be experiencing momentary imbalance the offshoot of which is seasonal madness expressed in different form. While I was trying to rap my head around windeck and comprehend Cabo Snoop’s style, he shot us with Prakatatumba. I still think that dance is a mockery of a feat of epilepsy; anyway, you all haven’t seen the last of crazy things.

This morning I woke up to ‘Planking’ all over my timeline. There’s no definition for it. It’s neither a sport nor an exercise. I guess people just need to burn excess energy. But then I hear it’s the Australians that came up with the name after the English invented it so I can imagine their brain was freezing over at the time.  For everyone who’s still wondering what Planking is...

*Pictures Courtesy Various Followers on Twitter

Sunshine Award

I just found out I am a recipient of the Sunshine award. Thanks to 9ja Great and Blessing; I’m still awaiting the cash that accompanies it though, I know the banks too are experiencing internet connectivity problems so I’ll be patient *wide grin*

I would like to also award the following people:

Lara – Shinning the light in the midst of all the clouds and hues of shadow can’t be easy. I respect you for retaining your sanity in a crazy world!

LADYGUIDE – My sweet sister, from the very first comment till now, thanks for being there to share the jokes!

9ja Great – All in one week, you’ve gotten a Hi 5!, 2 kisses and now a hug from me.

Chizy K – For satisfying my entertainment ‘amebo’ cravings

Samuel a.k.a. LDP – All the positive pressure you put on me just makes my writing better!

HoneyDame – We started this journey together and we would continue to share of success stories

Kemi (Till my dying day) – Marriage counselling with Practical examples at no cost – what more can a single sister ask for?

NaijaMum – enviable parenting skills, pertinent lessons to be learnt

Atilola – Soul sister, with all the love and spirituality shinning through, a vessel of honour you are, more grease (to your hair too, in its natural beauty *wink*)

EROInspirations – Keep sharing the word!

Gbemisoke – On and off blogsville, you know how we do.

9jaFoodie – Raising bride prices through culinary skills

Kitkat – Hilarious stuff you brew in that e-house of yours.

Anonymous – I’m not sure who you are but you make me happy everytime I think about the fact that someone outside the usual circle is patient enough to read and comment!

Lastly, to everyone who has stopped by, left a comment, followed, and even recommended this blog. Not forgetting those who have been inspired and have inspired me; the sun shines through on us as a reminder of the grace for a new day.

Thanks to you all for making me smile and for receiving the sunshine my blog brings!

Private Space: Keep Off

Sometimes I just want to put up a sign saying 'Private Space, Keep Off', probably put it up on the wall just above my chair in the office; unfortunately, there's no assurance people would respect it.

They seem to be everywhere these days. People whose stock in trade is to butt into other people's business. A lady has a right to her space, her time, her privacy.

The other day I rearranged my drawer at work. I moved the provisions to the top drawer; that's the one with the key. Files now occupy the last drawer.

Prior to now I had my stash of provision in the last drawer - biscuits, milk, sugar, corn flakes, cashew nuts etc. They were there to save me from starving on those days I get too busy to step out for lunch. I would freely share these things with those who ask, however recently, some people have been helping themselves to it just cause they know where to find it. They've become so confident that they emptied a 450g of milk in the 2 weeks I was away from work! Isn't taking someone's belonging without their consent stealing???

Provision pilfering is the least of it, there are space invaders everywhere - in church, even in the family. Big aunties and uncles who 'care' so much all they want to do is hook you up with one of the 'old boys'' son just so they can brag about it later! How dare they reel out the story of my life just because they were opportuned to be there when I was born?!

Oh Sister Church leader, yes you're the parish pastor's wife and your ministry involves caring for all; have you ever wondered if I’m in a relationship with someone outside the Parish???

If you're not sure you should have asked instead of assuming my love life needed intervention! So you've decided to 'collabo' with your husband and you think the cell leader is right for me? Haaa..... Good choice, he's a 'loaded', spirit-filled brother after all; but shouldn't you have told me before giving him my 'case file'?

Ahem... Bro Spirikoko a.k.a Cell/House fellowship leader; but why now? They gave you my number and you just called and started 'famzing'. Its 2011 oh and the rules have changed; you should have considered the fact that we've never said a word to each other in over 10years we've been at this parish; shouldn't the close to 20years age difference set off an alarm in your head? Anyways, just so you know, I’m not in need of a sugar daddy; please pass the message across to Parish Pastor and his wife!

These space invaders need to lose my contact fast, it’s becoming appalling.

Rant over, I’ve got to get back to work, have a fulfilling week y’all!

Happy Children's Day!!!

Children! Children!! (Yes, aunty)

Eating Sugar (No, aunty)

Open your mouth (Haaaaaaaa...)

We are H – A – P – P – Y (2x)

We know we are, we are sure we are,

We are H – A – P – P- Y, HAPPY!

All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all.

Each little flower that opens, each little bird that sings,

He made their glowing colours, HE made their tiny wings.

Who stole the meat from the cooking pot?

(Number 1 stole the meat from the cooking pot)

Oh me? (Yes, you!)

It couldn’t be (Then who?)

Number 10, stole the meat from the cooking pot!

Hmmm... I remember the sweet old days. When Nasco Wafers and Capri Sonne made frequent appearances on my mum’s shopping list. I can’t forget Okin Biscuit in a hurry... how I love the rectangular shaped one... bliss!

Sometimes, I want to go back to being a child. Like today when the rain just wouldn’t let up! If I was still a child, I’d be home on holiday, watching Voltrone or Sesame Street while building pyramids with my Choco Milo and forming rainbow with my Gogo (Smarties). I miss those days.

Do you remember Cortina shoes? If you don’t then it means you wore Kito with your knee length socks! tehehe

BTW, does Mr. Sada still live in Sapele? You remember him don’t you? Yes, the farmer in Macmillian Book 3. Hopefully, Simbi would have changed her hairstyle by now.

How many of your old books do you still have? Do you remember Queen Prima, My Book of Bible Stories, Songs of Praise, Brighter Grammar and Students’ Companion? I never liked Larcombs, how can a book meant to teach children maths be so boring? No illustrations, no pictures, just black and white all through... unfortunately, we had to use all its volumes!

Did you play ten – ten and suwe? What about catcher and after-round-one? Well I didn’t because I was too orobo cute and classy for such. I had a jump rope instead, and during inter house sports, you can bet I was always the queen of the house. Why wouldn’t I, when everyone knew I couldn’t run to save my life was such a charming little lady *wink*

Growing up was so much fun, we drank Tandi Guaraná, Dr. Pepper, Afri Cola, Fanta Ginger Ale etc. There was also Planta, Cadbury Chocolate Spread, Fan Ice (a.k.a Yoghurt), Walls Ice cream and SAMCO, Bubblegum.

BTW, what’s the lowest price you remember buying Coca Cola?

We watched Fèyí kó gbón, Òwúrò lojó (Joke Silva), Tele Match, Rent a ghost, Frank Spencer, Dr. Who, Fragile Rock, Jumbo, Kiddies Vision 101, Speak Out.

 

Lastly, do you remember:

All stand, greet!

Good morning sir, you are welcome to our class, may God bless you sir!

Happy Children’s day to the young and young at heart!

Keep your Identity

As human beings we strive to make an impact either in our immediate environment or in the world. While working towards being a force to reckon with, there are a lot of forces that try to sway us. To succeed, we hold on tight to our beliefs and focus on the goals to be achieved.

I have noticed that most successful people rarely ever change the winning formula. Manchester United for instance has won more trophies and accolades from football lovers and critics worldwide because they’ve been adjudged consistent. They have a tradition which they guard jealousy. The British Monarch is also revered, respected and thought to have no equals, simply because it sets its own standards, creates rules and compels everyone who must interact with it to comply, be it individuals or nations.

Unfortunately, same cannot be said for some of us. A common saying amongst our parents in this part of the world is ‘remember the child of whom you are’. They say this because they are well aware of the challenges we face during our daily endeavours, because they know that the greatest and strongest of men have lost their identity just for a moment of pleasure, while being distracted by the most mundane things.

Samson lost his sight to a woman and Esau sold his birthright for common ‘Asaro’ (pottage), other great men in history have also lost their fame, fortune and integrity on account of their lack of self control.

Your identity doesn’t end with your name, social security number, personal data or DNA. It extends to your culture, beliefs, value system etc. It is not enough to chant the ‘I am African’ mantra. Show the world you truely are. Some people travel out of Nigeria and after a few months they rename themselves, bury their manners and sometimes disown their parents, all because they want to belong. You cannot be more English than the British!

A few others go off to study and become so wild one would wonder if they ever heard the word. This identity denial is also evident on our blogs. Why would you agree to things that are against your personal beliefs just so you gain another follower?

I, for instance have personal views about certain issues – no to violent/abusive relationships, no to friends with benefits set ups, no to office romance amongst others – I make these known as I comment on people’s blogs. I’m not asking that you adopt my belief system, you can hate me for it, that wouldn’t change my stand; in the end, you’d either block me or unfollow me. That wouldn’t change the price of tomatoes at Mile 12 market!

If you spend all your time following the trend and trying to become a mirror image of others, you’ll only end up publicizing their achievements while your own dreams die.

Haile Gabriel Selassie didn’t become a long distance race champion because of his handsome face;  Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie didn’t need a sexy name to win the Orange prize. I can almost bet the members of the review board cannot even pronounce her name! Taiwo Ajayi-Lycett didn’t have to go nude to achieve the enviable records she had in the movie industry. I’m sure some of you do not even know she once acted in the popular sitcom Frank Spencer.

Finally, all I’m just trying to say is, be true to yourself, your little beginnings would metamorphosis into a phenomenal future if you keep working at achieving your life’s purpose.

*This post was inspired by Beyoncé’s new video (Run the world). Although I’m not a fan, I’m disappointed in this new person I see. She seems to be infusing too much of Lady Gaga + Nicki Minaj spirit into her style; do you think she’s feeling intimidated by them? That yellow dress is such a disaster... the green one too.

On the bright side, it’s nice to see the African dance style. I particularly love the neck twisting/shoulder jerking one in 1:15min, I’m sure you remember it from 2face Idibia’s Nfana Ibaga video.

Enjoy the weekend y’all.

25 Questions

Hey people, so last week I said on Myne’s blog that I was going to do the 25 questions thingy, well my talk about movies got in the way on Friday and since there’s nothing to do in the office today (generator broke down and PHCN is on bed rest), here we go

1.    Do you have any pets?
No, I can’t stand them so I just make do with the one in my name.

2.    Name 3 things that are physically close to you.
right now... my phone, my laptop, external hard drive

3.    What's the weather like right now?
Sunny. It rained a lot yesterday so the sun got angry and retaliated.

4.    Do you drive? If so have you crashed?
Yes. I ran into a stationary bus on my first day behind the wheels. No damages though, the trainer said I was confident on the field so he thought I was just trying to brush up my skills. Alakoba!!!

5.    What time did you wake up this morning?
4.40am. No matter what time I hit the bed, my body is automatically programmed to come alive between 4 – 5am every day, sadly, even on weekends. *sigh

6.    When was the last time you showered?
Last night. It’s the last thing I do every night. Baths are for the morning and pre-outing.

7.    What was the last movie you saw?
Tyler Perry’s Madae’s Big Happy Family.

8.    What does your last text message say?
Buy wheat bread when you’re coming. (from my mum off course)

9.    What's your ringtone?
Numb/Encore – Jay Z ft Linkin Park

10. Have you ever been to a different country?
Does Benin Republic count? I was there for shopping during my undergrad days, asides from that I’ve been to Seychelles, Aruba, Brazil and Pueto rico, all in my dreams tehehe.

11.  Do you like sushi?
No! I’ve never tasted it but I’m sure raw fish can never taste nice so why bother?

12. Where do you buy your groceries?
Shoprite, AshMart and the local market. Who cares? As long as its not fake/adulterated or expired!

13. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster?
No. It may take time, but eventually my body shuts down unaided

14. How many siblings do you have?
2 sisters (I'm the pacifier, the link between old and new school, Malcolm in the middle)

15. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
Both

16. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
Oya oya ask my mummy LOL...

17. Do you wear contacts or glasses?
Glasses, as far as I’m concerned, sticking something into my eye is rough play, contacts or not!

18. Do you color your hair?
No, black is beautiful

19. Tell me something you are planning to do today.
Go home early.

20. When was the last time you cried?
February. You’ll find out why if you go here

21. What is your perfect pizza topping?
Pepperoni, it’s about the best... no?

22. Which do you prefer-hamburgers or cheeseburgers?
Ham will do, let’s leave Cheese for the mice.

23. Have you ever had an all-nighter?
No, except reading and watching movies in the comfort of my room counts!

24. What is your eye color?
Brown

25. Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke?
Who cares? I don’t drink either, tonic water or cream soda does it for me.


*   In response to Kitkat's question on my last post, I get the movies here. Let me know if you need instructions.

Movies

I love movies... I can’t even begin to explain how much I love movies. One of the reasons I can stay home for an entire week without going even as far as my gate is because of movies.

I really enjoy seeing movies at home. That way, I can rewind as many times as I want just to enjoy a joke over and over again; I can also identify the actor/director’s mistakes and well, it’s cheaper! *wink*

There’s just something about seeing movies in the comfort of your house. It’s better than the cinemas; there’s no one disturbing you with BB noise, no one chewing gum aloud, you’re not distracted by the couple practising the kiss they’ve just seen in the movie and definitely no one laughing 5 minutes after everyone else saw the funny scene!

Don’t get me wrong, I go to the cinemas sometimes, especially when I need to get the full effects of a movie (e.g. 2012, Avater, Blood diamond) but most times, I see the movie even before it starts to show at the cinemas... don’t ask me how! It’s not easy to start explaining how to get down the load.

I have my movies on the go – at least 3 on my phone at any given time and over 100 on my external hard drive still waiting to be watched. When I’m not tweeting or reading, my movies help me through traffic.

A simple drama isn’t just enough; there must be something thought provoking about the plot (Inception, Shutter Island), the suspense should make your heart race (88 minutes); the characters must make you want to watch it again (Prison break).

Criminal plots/detective stories are my favourite. I just get really excited at solving the puzzle in my living room before *Michael Scofield or Agent Jason Gideon or Charlie Duchamp find the answers on the screen. In my mind, I’m a profiler; hopefully someday I might get into the behavioural analysis unit of the FBI. Even if I don’t, there’s no harm in increasing one’s IQ is there?

I love Tyler Perry’s works a great deal. He always has a serious message to pass along hence whether he’s dressed as hilarious grandma Madae or fine husband Terry Brock, you’re sure to learn a thing or two. His choice of soundtrack is always on point too and if you’re looking for a family based drama with an input of the God factor then you know where to look.

I’ll leave you with ‘Each Tear’ by Mary J. Blige. Its dedicated to Kitkat, I pray you shake off your worries and conclude your preparations for the exams on Monday. Best of luck.

*lead acts from Prison break, Criminal minds and Breakout kings respectively.

P.S: please let me know what your favourite movies are

Needed: A helping hand.

A friend of mine had a little get together recently. While we boiled yam, I noticed her husband kept coming in to ask, ‘is it ready? Honestly I thought he was just hungry or probably they were expecting more guests. It all became clear some minutes later. Once she notified him the yam was ready, he promptly yanked off his shirt and got to work... pounding.

I didn’t taste it (I do not eat pounded yam) but everyone attested that the pounding was professionally done! At some point my friend mentioned to them that as a house rule, her husband does the pounding and that was when the argument began.

All the men, except her husband and one other guy felt it wasn’t right that he was the one pounding. According to them, it wouldn’t speak well of her if his relations were around! You need to see their looks when he revealed that he learnt it from his father... priceless.

He said his father had always told them that yam pounding is a man’s job!

Personally, I do not know how to pound yam and I’m not even eager to learn...

Dear Future Husband,

Where I come from, Eba is their staple food. Owning a mortar is not synonymous with being a good wife. A while ago, Mama Nkem at the market told me about Poundo yam, I have never tasted it but mum says its okay. If you ever crave pounded yam, just let me know, I’ll order an entire carton for a start. You know I’m doing this for you right? Or do you want me to have muscles like those bouncers?

XXX

            #TeamPoundo.

I have spoken with a couple of guys about this issue and while a few of them do not have a problem with helping out at home, some unfortunately have stupid reasons for not wanting to. I think the dumbest I’ve heard thus far is ‘you have to let her know her place. I just concluded that the guy had ego problems.

I do not think it’s a big deal if the man pounds for the family, and not just pounding, any other supportive role in home keeping too!

The days of ‘mummy in the kitchen cooking rice, daddy in the parlour watching film’ are long gone! I’m not advocating that women should cross their legs and watch E! all day while the family starves and the home becomes a potential ‘Clean House Crew’ destination. All I’m saying is, there’s nothing wrong in daddy rocking the baby while mummy makes dinner... in the end, everyone is happy and she probably won’t have a headache later on in the bedroom. *wink*