Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Needed: A helping hand.

A friend of mine had a little get together recently. While we boiled yam, I noticed her husband kept coming in to ask, ‘is it ready? Honestly I thought he was just hungry or probably they were expecting more guests. It all became clear some minutes later. Once she notified him the yam was ready, he promptly yanked off his shirt and got to work... pounding.

I didn’t taste it (I do not eat pounded yam) but everyone attested that the pounding was professionally done! At some point my friend mentioned to them that as a house rule, her husband does the pounding and that was when the argument began.

All the men, except her husband and one other guy felt it wasn’t right that he was the one pounding. According to them, it wouldn’t speak well of her if his relations were around! You need to see their looks when he revealed that he learnt it from his father... priceless.
He said his father had always told them that yam pounding is a man’s job!
Personally, I do not know how to pound yam and I’m not even eager to learn...

Dear Future Husband,
Where I come from, Eba is their staple food. Owning a mortar is not synonymous with being a good wife. A while ago, Mama Nkem at the market told me about Poundo yam, I have never tasted it but mum says its okay. If you ever crave pounded yam, just let me know, I’ll order an entire carton for a start. You know I’m doing this for you right? Or do you want me to have muscles like those bouncers?

I have spoken with a couple of guys about this issue and while a few of them do not have a problem with helping out at home, some unfortunately have stupid reasons for not wanting to. I think the dumbest I’ve heard thus far is ‘you have to let her know her place. I just concluded that the guy had ego problems.

I do not think it’s a big deal if the man pounds for the family, and not just pounding, any other supportive role in home keeping too!

The days of ‘mummy in the kitchen cooking rice, daddy in the parlour watching film’ are long gone! I’m not advocating that women should cross their legs and watch E! all day while the family starves and the home becomes a potential ‘Clean House Crew’ destination. All I’m saying is, there’s nothing wrong in daddy rocking the baby while mummy makes dinner... in the end, everyone is happy and she probably won’t have a headache later on in the bedroom. *wink*


Prism said...

Nice post... I remember that "mommy in the kitchen cooking rice" game.

About the issue:
From what you've written, it seems your friend has a husband with a good head on his shoulders.

I smh at those guys who refuse to do domestic duties around the house. It's such a pity, maybe even a shame. I think when the housework is shared, it helps the relationship. No one is felt feeling like a slave or short-changed.

I think it's the parents' responsibility to teach their male children the importance of doing house and equality among sexes.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Prism. In addition, cooking and other domestic work doesn't make a man less than a man.

Blessing said...

I agree with both comments above...a real men does what ever it takes to help out and make their family happy. My daddy cooks!

Myne Whitman said...

Traditionally in my part of the country, men rarely cook or enter the kitchen. However, pounded yam is a staple and it is the men that pound, usually in the hallways.

My hubby and I love pounded yam but since I have no mortar for either he or I to use, poundo it is. LOL...

Nice post. I also agree that more men should help around the house.

HoneyDame said...

Tankyhu o!* In yoruba accent*
I am copying and sending this to YY.

Ms. Yellow Sisi Unspoken said...

I agree with most people above, a man should help out when they can or are able to and certainly not fold arms and while the woman is sweating herself out. As much as I love cooking a helping hand would definitely make my day

kitkat said...

wow..its rare to find african men that actually assist in the kitchen. My dad assists my mum rather grudgingly once in a while, but mostly, he just helps fix the oven if its being problematic..he never actually does any cooking.
My future hubby best believe that we're gonna be rotating the cooking hahaha

A-9ja-Great said...

Thank God i don't crave pounded yam,else there'd have been a problem.

Dear Future Wife,
If you ever crave pounded yam,then we'd go to a fastfood to get you some.

However,it's funny some men still have this myopic thinking that they shouldn't go anywhere near the kitchen.As for me,i cook sometimes and allow my gurlfriend just sit back and relax...but i know i won't pound yam for anything (but you know what a little female convincing can do...hehehehe).Thank God i don't know how to pound.It is ok for a man to help in pounding yam,there's certainly no harm in it.

T.Notes said...

Uhmmm,well if anybody's gonna be eating/hitting pounded yam,it's gotta be poundo!!!Neither me,or my baby's carrying none of that heavy stick!!!

9jaFOODie said...

Hahahah... I love this! pounding yam is definitely a mans job. My Ghanaian friend told me it's culturally unacceptable for women to pound yam where she comes from.

Okeoghene said...

I think a man should help out in the house and not just sit down and watch tv or read the papers. Or is Marriage is a partnership with unequal partners? Thank God my husband doesnt eat pounded yam so the issue of getting a mortar or me learning to pound did not even arise. Helping out at home doesnt make him less of a man, I think it just makes him more committed to his family and things going on there. Afterall the days of the man being the sole provider is long over.

P.E.T. Projects said...

Prism: I think so too, cos if u grow up watching ur dad help out then helping ur wife wont be a big deal.

MaidofHeart: It sure doesnt

Blessing: True! If the goal is to make the family happy, then he'll probably not think helping out is a demanding task

Myne:Poundo is just the way out jare

HoneyDame: copy him sharply LOL

Yellow sisi: Im sure it will

Kitkat: Rotating ke? Dearie, u night need to have him sign a pre-nup for that one oh tehehehe

P.E.T. Projects said...

9ja Great: Correct guy... u're a contemporary african man #Hi5

T.Notes: #Team poundo... 'hitting' yam with that heavy stick aint sexy innit?

9jaFoodie: Really? that's cool

Okeoghene: Yes dear, couples should be helpmates

doll said...

i like blessings comment. Concur 100%

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blogoratti said...

Men cook better than women. That's all i gotta say...

The Corner Shop said...

I hail that guy oh! I've never gotten how guys think pounding yam is for women- if they think that then they might as well say construction work is for women too cause damn...pounding yam gives muscles oh! I love pounded yam (poundo powder doesn't even come close) but i can't pound oh- check out the lumps lol

Those days of well defined roles are over. Dudes should get over their egos and get with the times


os said...

I agree. I can't pound yam and I dare say I'll probably break if I try. Many men are realizing the need to help around the house, especially where there's no paid help. As there are some meals my husband is better at than I, he makes them. Top of the list: "akara"

Miss A said...

nice one ! ... should this to Kola..

Anonymous said...

I do pound so does my entire household including my dad! pounded yam is our main food, so everybody learned it. Over the years due to doctor's advise we don't pound in the house again and only prepare wheat for my parents while my hubby don't see much ado about it..so it saved me from the wahala o jare...anytime i feel like eating it, i go for POUNDO YAM which is very easy, simple to prepare.

P.E.T. Projects said...

Doll: True dat!

Blogoratti: Although I hate to, i agree

Adiya: Shebi u pound and the only problem is lumps? Im not even willing to try biko rapu'maka

Os: I think every woman must enjoy the pleasures of sitting back while hubby makes the meal at some point in time

Miss A: Please do, im sure KOK wont mind helping out at home

Ibhade: I think if you've been pounding since forever then u'll take it in good stride but in my case, my mum doesnt even own a morter so you can understand why i feel like its a purnishment

Gbemisoke said...

I can pound yam cos my mum insisted that we all had to learn, but I don't. The last time I pounded yam for my dad like 6 or 7 years go, cos I wanted to give him a treat, he said I should never put myself through that kind of stress ever again and then he brought Ola-Ola home the next day. He said back when we learnt to pound, there was no Ola-Ola, and so, now that there is, it doesn't make sense.
I don't see why this "who does what" is still a debate in this day and age. Thank God I'm married to a man with a good head on his shoulders. It only makes sense that the person with more physical energy does the more difficult tasks. Besides, we are supposed to be a team. May God deliver us from selfish men who put their wives through hell just because of "traditions"

Daughter of Her King said...

Awww at the hubby pounding yam.. Can u imagine going around asking if the yam are ready... And it turns out that he was anticipating and getting ready to the pound yam.lol. (I find it reallly cool).

I haven't eaten fresh pounded yam in yearzzzzzzzzzz (sad face)... I will really appreciate a nice plate of fresh pounded yam not powdered and nice egusi soup... (All in my dream)..

Its important for me that my hubby is domesticated ( it is the same importance as his relationship with God).. PERIOD... NO TWO Ways around it...