Monday, November 29, 2010

The Matchmaking Birthday Girl

Welcome back to work y'all. Hope the weekend was groovy? My friend F'Banj turned thirty something on Saturday and she decided to have a small 'thing'. Mehn... the small thing was a big thing oh. First, it became almost like a multiple date, see couples everywhere...

F'Banj is a lot older than I am and most of the attendees were her husband's friends, people with about 5 - 10 years marriage experience. So as you can imagine most of the gists were marriage/family oriented. I had an ear-ful. It was fun sha, except that I came alone and everyone was just asking about 'him'. BTW, why cant people just believe when you tell them you're not seeing anyone at the moment?

Ehen, so the real gist for today is about the stunt my friend tried pulling. Apparently, her husband's childhood friend was in town and he needed to hook him up... you can guess who the victim was. She knows I hate matchmaking but her husband persuaded her... so na so e dey be? My friend just fall my hand for love sake.

The guy's spoken English is to die for, no fake accents, but issues plenty... he is about a decade or more older. The difference is just too much for me jare, especially because he doesn't seem to know anything about my generation. Not music, not fashion, according to him he's passionate about Real Estate... shey na only house matta we go dey yarn? As if that wasn't bad enough, wait for this...

he doesn't believe in God... #EpicFail!

How can?

On a normal day, I wouldn't subscribe to a long distance relationship, then you cap it up by being years older. He doesn't even watch football, or any sports for that matter... ahan... where is the fun in his life then?

That Athiest bit just killed the whole conversation... trust me, I stylishly discharged the brother and moved on to better things, which in this case was... well the cake and dance floor.

I had fun sha, but F'Banj will hear it from me the next time we have our ladies' day out!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I'm just wondering...

1.    Why do people say expect the unexpected?
If you’re anticipating/awaiting/expecting something how then is it classified as unexpected?

2.    Why do some people feel the onus falls on them to provide music for a bunch of strangers on the bus? I mean some of us are trying to listen to the news or our favourite songs through our headphones yet one random guy decides to turn on his china phone and disturb us with fuji music.

3.    Why don’t parents get midterm break? Why don’t men get maternity leave?  Shouldn’t they be there in the first few days to do some running around too?

4.    Why do people expect that you’ll automatically   add them on Facebook because you have 2 random friends in common?

5.    Why is it that I can leave my phone/wallet on my desk in the office and it won’t disappear even after a week but a pen won’t survive a day?

6.    Why do bras come in ‘cup’ sizes? As in.... who came up with that idea? What was/were he/she/they sniffing thinking?
7.   Why do some people shout at the top of their lungs when answering their call in public?
8.   Why do people beg you to follow them on twitter? Is it by force? And when you finally decide to follow back you realise they don’t even tweet that often or at best, they are PROs - PRINCIPAL RETWEETING OFFICERS. SMH
9.   Why do people think anything can become a joke once they add lol to it?      Imagine someone twitting 'I am so hungry but the only thing I can cook is Indomie, lol'
      Why should a twenty something year old African  sister laugh out loud at her lack of culinary skills?
10.  Why am I even wondering and bothering myself, it’s not like the guilty parties would change after reading this.

Thanks for stopping bye.
Please feel free to let me know the things you wonder about too. #OkBye!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Thankful... notwithstanding.

Hi y'all,

Its another Monday, the beginning of a week that has promised to be short (Tuesday & Wednesday are public holidays). Hope your weekend was funfilled?

I'm just here, sitting at my desk with not enough to do. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing on this job. Simply put, I'm underutilizing my skills, I know you'ld say I should move on out, trust me, I'm trying!

I did not intend to spend more than 6 months on this job, the plan was to return to school for an M.Sc. I had applied and was offered an admission only to find out on receiving the letter that the Faculty had changed the programme to part-time study because there were only a handful of students seeking full time study, so I declined and decided to keep searching for another job while awaiting the next session. Recruitment process for my dream job takes about a year (that's what we were told), I have since completed 4 stages with just 2 to go. Hopefully before year end, I'll get in!

While I wait, I have to try and be happy on my present job. My colleagues think I'm the luckiest of all,just because I got promoted in record time and I have priority over the pool car. The office allows full internet access all day till when the 'boys' finally decide to go home, dress code is casual smart and lunch break is anytime from noon (meaning I can dash out and shop for 2 hours without consequences).

I work in a male dominated industry hence, I have over 30 male colleagues and 4 female ones of which 2 are bosses. This means that asides from working smart to meet set goals, I also have to deal with different shades and sizes of ego! Year 2008 was wonderful, profit rose by 120% but now we're in huge debts. Like most Nigerian entreprenuers, the bosses squandered all the profits on luxury cars and trips abroad.

While I am not against enjoying the fruits of your labour, I'm of the opinion that ploughing back your earnings into the business would guarantee continual shopping sprees abroad in years to come. Right now, salaries have been cut by 25%, people have been laid off and pressure is continually being mounted on the Business Development Unit where I am. As I think about these things, I just want to scream and complain some more, but then, I remember there are 15 million jobless people in Nigeria... I am grateful for my life!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Oleku - I'm feeling, feeling the boy yeah...

I really do not like Rap music, however for some strange reason I love Jay-Z and I guess whatever it is that got me listening to him was what endeared me to M.I. and the Chocolate city boys. I like when I can dance to the beats of a song even when I don't know the lyrics (yet).

While I still haven't gotten around to knowing all M.I.'s songs, Ice Prince's Oleku has become a mantra since I first heard it in September. Produced by Jesse Jagz and featuring Brymo, this song, amongst others, gets me through traffic everyday. If you still haven't heard it, then click on the link below. 

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Senatorial Bill & Silverbird @ 30

My sincere appreciation to everyone who has stopped by to feel my pulse.God bless you real good.

Last weekend I was listening to the news and there was a mention about activities of the National Assembly (NASS). Can you believe those guys? They are trying to pass a bill that would fuel their selfishness for life. This bill, if passed into law, would ensure that life allowances are paid to all past Presidents, Military leaders, Senate Presidents, Speakers of the House of Representatives, the Deputies (vices) of all the above as well as past Chief Justices!  The bill stipulates that “the allowances specified in this section shall be applied for the upkeep of the spouse and education of the children…up to the university level. For the avoidance of doubt, the allowance shall cease upon the death of the last spouse of the office holder.”

This means that asides from the billions that leave the national treasury unaccounted for, these honourable chair throwers and distinguished kung-fu fighters want to secure their wasteful habits up to the 10th generation! Why am I even surprised, afterall these were
the people whom last year shouted down a bill meant to care for the old and disabled with their thunderous nay. Why should anyone ask to give free money to a man (Buhari & Co) who came into power by bloodshed (coup) or to a woman who used tax payers’ money to fund a birthday celebration (Patricia Etteh)?
Since the law stipulates that the President must assent (sign) a bill before it becomes a law, I patiently await his response. He alone can rescue us from the foolishness of these honourables.

Moving on, I watched the celebration of Silverbird Group @ 30 over the weekend and I could not help but notice certain things.

Discipline and persistence pays. It’s better to fail at something than not to have tried at all.

In all you do, never kick against the government in power, you’ll only get your foot broken in the process. When they disappoint and make unfavourable policies (as they are wont to), re-strategise without changing your value system. You will achieve set goals; it may only take a while longer.

As I figured out, Mr Ben Murray-Bruce has been relevant through all regimes since 1980. Not because he has always been favoured by their policies, but because his goals have been flexible enough to accommodate them without derailing. If you need another example, go read up about Alhaji Aliko Dangote.

Lastly, the power of oratory cannot be overlooked. The most influential men of our time and decades past have been known to give thought provoking and mind boggling speeches. As you move up your career ladder, learn the use of words and the command of language. If it doesn’t earn you a promotion or that new job, it might save your political career or like we all saw at the anniversary gala, get the President to officially commit $200billion to the industry where you earn your living (in the case of Mr Ben Murray-Bruce, the entertainment industry.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Check that body language!

Congratulations to Bright Okpocha (Basketmouth) and Elsie Uzoma as they formally tie the knot on November 6th 2010. The picture above was taken at their traditional wedding which took place on Monday.

As I look at this picture, I'm tempted to ask what's going on? Basket mouth looks like he's just been told that the bride's family discovered he's richer than he claims and hence the bride price has been increased... lol.

While you and I may never know what was going on, I'll like to believe the cameraman probably just caught him off guard... but why isnt the bride smiling?

I hereby use this opportunity to warn all intending bride, that for whatever it would cost, smile on the wedding day! We are almost getting used to grooms not smiling, someone says its because they're thinking of costs incurred by the celebration. But the Mrs-to-be should have no excuse, innit?

*On second thought, maybe Basketmouth is just being a comedian jor!

*Picture courtesy
without permission oh, hope copyright lawyers aren't in town

Meet ESO

*ASUU was at their best again, this time, the strike was to be about 6 months long. Weeks before, my Uni started an internal strike so I was home doing practically nothing when my dad decided to send me to an IT institution to learn how to be a programmer. I would arrive as early as 7:30am for lectures that weren’t going to commence until 9am, leaving home early was the only way to beat Lagos traffic.

Asides from the security officers, only about 5 of us were that punctual. As I am wont to do in places I’m not used to, I would **jejely sit at the lobby without talking to anyone, well, until I became gist mate with ESO. I really can’t remember details of our first conversation, but it was about football. It was April 2006 and the world cup (Germany 2006) was approaching. Like many other guys, he was stunned at how passionate I was about football. And as if that wasn’t enough, we were both fans of Manchester United!

So the endless gists before and after classes continued until I concluded the modules I had registered for. While I was enjoying all the attention and considering taking another course, ASUU called off its strike and I had to return to school. This was the genesis of our long telephone chats, mind you, he was doing all the calling but I made great conversation so no complains. I have to admit that I’m not so good at calling people, I just don’t understand why.

Ok... so 2006 goes by and nothing serious happens. Let me tell you a little about myself...
I’m very book smart (ask my grades, they’ll tell you) but when it comes to love and matters of the heart, I just seem to test positive to A-S-S (acute slow syndrome). Growing up, all that mattered to me were my grades; boys were just not worth it. The mindset was that if you do well, you’ll get a good job and all the boys would be running after you, after all no man wants a dullard for company. So I dedicated all my time to studying, I liked staying home, either watching TV or reading. My mum would sometimes force me to attend birthday parties; I just never liked all the noise.

In retrospect, I’ll say as regards boys/guys and relationships, I was just slow. A guy would send me cards/notes saying he cares blah blah blah, as long as he doesn’t mention LOVE, this brain of mine would not decode he’s stylishly asking for a relationship – no be my fault, if it was Edgeworth Bowley box, I would have understood it in a flash.

This was the case with ESO. For over a year the guy was calling me and I was enjoying it. The only thing I knew for sure was I liiiiiiiiikeeeeeeeed him. We shared this verbal intimacy that was unrivalled. I had never felt like that before about anyone. At some point he chided me about my attitude and I stupidly said I wasn’t attracted to him yada yada yada... I was such an ignoramus. After my birthday in October, he stopped calling and that was when it hit me.

Uni was on holiday and I had time to just sit and think. I was missing him so much, I had become used to running things by him, we would discuss endlessly about things that were going on in our lives – me about school and him about work. It took my cuz knocking my head back into position for me to truly understand it – I was in love with ESO... I had been for quite some time but I had been too naive to know what to do about it. This wasn’t rocket sciene yet it had been difficult for me to decipher, that part of my brain just didn’t activate on time.

So months passed and nothing! ESO had decided to give me space. Space I had once asked for but now hated! I felt like I was being punched in the exact point a bullet had gone through. I wanted more than anything in the world to be with him; have him call me and him me at odd hours... kai, I had been a mugu!

After many months of waiting in silence and pain, I summed up courage and called him just to say hi. He sounded so cold; the conversation couldn’t have ended fast enough. Thereafter, he began to call again, we spoke more, sorted out ‘issues’ but things were never the same. His job had become his first love. We had this conversation in which he made it clear that his goals had changed. 

I felt everything all at once – heartbreak, anger, rejection. I held on to hope, hope that wasn’t there.
After many months of torturing myself, I snapped out of it. Why was I even mourning something that was probably dead from the beginning? Why would I expect anything other than what I got, after all I had him waiting all the while? Revenge is indeed served cold (or maybe not). It was time to start a new phase.

I have since moved on and I’m alot smarter now. I’m more of a binoculars now... I know a guy’s intentions even while he’s still thinking about it (ok, I’m exaggerating). I have had time to discover who I really am and the things I want. I am now totally committed to being a better me. Afterall she who’s searching for Mr Right must also be groomed to be Mrs Right.

‘Searching’? I don’t even know why we use that word. It’s not like we’re collecting bio data of every supposed eligible person we meet. Anyway, truth is, I’m not searching in that sense, I’m just so sure I’ll meet someone who’ll love me enough to stick around despite my imperfections and hopefully, the feeling will be mutual.
And just in case you were wandering, yes, much as I tried, I couldn't get myself to hate him. ESO and I speak with each other thrice every year - January 1st (for obvious reasons), his birthday and mine which BTW are just a week apart.

*ASUU = Academic Staff Union of Universities
**Jejely = gently

Monday, November 1, 2010

Mr I Dont Know Lagos Well

Hi y’all,
Hope the weekend was fun filled. I’m happy ManUtd won their match against Tottenham at least we’re still 3rd on the table.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with this guy I met during the last diet of the professional exam I’m writing. Dude has called me at least twice every week since we met in early October, but I never call back. I know someone’s going to say that’s not good enough but I just don’t call people except I feel there’s something to say. Is that a bad thing? Please let me know.

Anyway, I could tell the guy wanted something all along but I guess he summoned up courage yesterday. So after the usual boring how was the weekend?, did you go to church?, he veered off and asked what do you feel about other tribes? Knowing what he getting at, I simply said, Ohh, the Japanese and Chinese have this confusing look but if you try hard enough you’ll know the difference, I’m not a great fan of their cuisine anyway, but they’re hardworking. Lol

I’m sure I caught him off guard, cos next thing was this loooong silence, dude didn’t say anything until I asked, next question? And then he asked if I would date someone from another tribe (he specified Nigeria this time around), how many people have I dated, am I in a relationship, how soon would I want to get married, and wait for this... am I a virgin?

Wise people of blogsville, I think I’m still very old school so please educate me, is this what is obtainable in the new hip-world? Shouldn’t he be trying simple/normal conversations first and not this questions that’ll make the list for the questionnaire of a dating agency? I don’t have a lot of experience but thus far, I think the modus operandi has been: meet the girl, talk about general things like work, hobbies, entertainment/society etc, find out as much as you can and then gently navigate into all the ‘I like you/I wanna be with you story?!’.

To think that this guy has seen me just once, probability that he’ll not recognise me if I walked past him is 50-50, yet he expects that I’ll come pay him a visit because he is fairly new in Lagos, doesn’t know the part of town that I live. This according to him is because he has been the one calling so in return I should reciprocate by making the trip, he’ll appreciate it because, ‘he really likes me and he thinks we’ll be good together’? Gosh... I wish I was standing there in front of him and not on the other end of the line, so I could slap the taste outta his mouth. Anyway, I advised him to go to the nearest local government office and ask for a map!

It’s so annoying when I meet people like this cos all I can think of is why they didn’t just remain in the village where all the ‘maidens’ will fall at their feet and travel across 3 rivers over a period of 21 market days just because of 8 phone calls which totals to about 10mins!

For about 2 hours thereafter, all I did was think about this dating thing... again! I’m not desperate or anything, I’ll really like to be married by December 2012 (that’s if the world doesn’t end like Hollywood has depicted... lol). But really, I can’t jump right in at just any guy that says what’s up. I believe so much in love and even though there’s all the scary tales out there, I can’t and won’t stop believing.

The other day I was having a conversation with my ex (ESO) and then he asked where my boyfriend was taking me for my birthday. As soon as I told him I wasn’t in a relationship, he launched into the sermon about how I’m just so picky/choosy about the kind of guy I want to date and..... infact i’ll tell you all about ESO in my next blog.